Bashar al-Assad’s Playlist Now Available for Your Listening Pleasure

Pleas to stop killing and torturing children, women and unarmed civilians have fallen on deaf ears - but these tunes haven't!

Are you an aspiring dictator? Obviously your wife should be drawing inspiration from Asma al-Assad, who was featured in a glowing Vogue writeup shortly before the current Syrian uprising began. As far as personal style, you could go the Gaddhafi route of gold, gems and flamboyant fashions; but considering how that all worked out for the Colonel, maybe you should keep it professional like Bashar al-Assad.

Russia and China have infamously put the brakes on any international response – diplomatic or otherwise – to the sheer brutality being unleashed on civilians in the name of Bashar al-Assad’s regime. And who can blame them? To paraphrase, everyone’s crazy ’bout a sharp dressed man. By everyone, we mean any country more attached to its arms contracts and fear of its own populist uprising, but the sleek suits are working!

With what to wear out of the way, what do you listen to if you need some dictatorial inspiration?

You’re in luck – Gawker put together a Spotify playlist based on musical selection revealed in the Guardian’s coverage of emails between al-Assad and iTunes.

Something to soothe your spirit, as forces acting on your behalf are beating, burning, mutilating and torturing 13-year-old kids? How about Hurt from Leona Lewis. A few lyrics

“I Wear This Crown Of Thorns
Upon My Liar’s Chair
Full Of Broken Thoughts
I Cannot Repair
Beneath The Stains Of Time
The Feelings Disappear
You Are Someone Else
I Am Still Right Here

What Have I Become
My Sweetest Friend
Everyone I Know Goes Away
In The End
And You Could Have It All
My Empire Of Dirt
I Will Let You Down
I Will Make You Hurt”

If you’re searching for a little mood music while finalizing plans to completely destroy entire neighborhoods full of women and children, consider Chris Brown’s ‘Look at Me Now,’ featuring Busta Rhymes and Lil Wayne. Oh yeah, once you unleash those rockets and mortars they’ll all be looking at you now.

And for those lighter times, like preparing yourself to blame mortar and tank attacks on loosely formed militias (typically armed with no more than assault rifles or pistols), try LMFAO’s ‘Sexy and I Know It.’  The remix, ‘Sexy and I Know It (and if You Disagree I’ll Kill You)’ is coming soon.

But sexy is never enough, and al-Assad knows it. He also purchased the biography of Steve Jobs, perhaps looking for new and more innovative ways to market his brand of killing, torturing and maiming. Perhaps iEvil? Russian and Chinese translations available.


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