Jeweled Genitals: If Everyone Jumped…

You may have heard of vajazzling – the inexplicably popular practice of women decorating their bikini areas with Swarovski crystals. Apparently, some men out there have been so dazzled by the shining nether regions of their ladies that they’re getting in on the bejweled action.

Men's crystal penis tattoos: in case you were wondering what to wear with your shiny underwear.

The Daily Mail {via Gawker} reports that 40% of the customers requesting genital crystal decoration in UK salons are men. Vajazzle crystal suppliers are responding with designs specifically for men. An Iron Cross and red lips crystal design apparently top the male design best seller list.

Okay, first we have to address the general ridiculousness of this trend as a whole. When did people start stepping out of the shower, looking down and going “just not sparkly enough”? It’s bad enough when things get hot an heavy with a partner and you lose an earring – what happens when one of the crystals falls off? That’s got to be a really awkward scavenger hunt to figure out if the crystals have ended up between sheets or… elsewhere. Not to mention, aside from 12-year-old girls, Paris Hilton and certain rappers, who’s really that into sparkly things that they go “you know, everything is just better when it’s shiny.”

Now, onto the unique ridiculousness of this spreading over to guys. Gay or straight, it’s tough to imagine anyone pulling a guy’s pants down, seeing red a red crystal lip design and doing anything but laughing (and laughter is a completely acceptable reaction). Then you’d have to explain that you’re laughing at the crystal tattoo, and not the guy’s other jewels…

We’ll take a pass on both versions of this sparkly mood killer, but would you bling your private bits?

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